What kind of time is this?

What kind of patience am I laying out today? There is no need for loud conversations, mediocre conversations, mildly entertaining conversations, perhaps conversations in general. The only conversation that would feed is that of silence, hmm, silence of another that would listen and not attach itself to every breath, or maybe just no company at all. Yet being alone does not appease. Not when your soul is discontent. I want to find a place where I feel right; not always great (that can sometimes freak people out), neither horrible; simply just right. I find myself when the tides come up the shore, I hold back and wonder what I am in for. I question myself and my choices, forgetting that God is in front of the sail. What is it to trust in Him? Trust. Trust in His timing, trust in the friendships He gives and the friendships He takes away, and the waiting period for friendships longed. Does not the Bible tell us about God's deepest desire for relationships. Do not murder? Who does this deeply hurt. It does not hurt just God, and why does it hurt God in the first place, as if it should hurt God...? Does this verse ever speak to us or are we on the surface, doctrine and advice repeated. The Bible does not come from the "will of man" (2 Timothy), but it comes from God. Still our mouths repeat the "Christian Jargon", as if repeating will finally get the point across. What would happen if we studied the scriptures and saw the beauty behind even the verse of "Do not murder." Then as we would look at Paul's words of encouragement on God's love for the church, we can see that "Do not murder" does not simply mean LAW, but means friendship. Jesus said that we are His friends. WAIT A MINUTE? Was I not just wrestling with friendship? There is no longing inside of us or desire that God can not fill. He cares about our relationships with each other, His character care (for what else can justice mean for those that are the victim of murder?), and a Son who has called us into friendship with Him. Who else can be better friends with us than Him who knows our heart? Trust. Trust Him to bring those that will listen, those that will sit in quiet, those that will be there as the Son desires to be there through the instruments of people. Yet, remember that the greatest love is this: that one should lie down his life his his friend. And this is exactly what Jesus did to us. Let's begin to enjoy a friendship with a magnificent Christ.