thoughts

I've got a bad feeling about this, I've got a bad feeling about this.
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you.


Life is so complicated sometimes. I had a horrible day today, everything annoying that could happen did happen and all I felt like doing was whining about it but then realizing that I have no right to. It confusing about rights, having a right to something. I feel I deserve things sometimes, and it is hard to understand that we don't when we as humans never chose to be sinful. Yet, then again in a way we did, because we chose to disobey God. Yet, there is always that fighting spirit inside of us saying that we are not sinful, it is something else at work, taking control over us. I think it is really that desire in us to be holy and disregard that we are sinful...I think that is why God loves us. Because He knows we are sinful but also sees that we do not want to be what we are. I think that is the worst tragedy, and in reality it is: the reality that we are sinful but in our whole body it is the very thing we disgust and do not want to be. We defend ourselves, we fight against accusations, we love justice, we want mercy, and we want to be declared innocent and holy. Yet, we are not. But this is so hard to understand because if theres this desire in us to be holy, then how come we are not, and then if we are not it must be that sin was forced upon us. And yet it was not, look around and see all that deny God--that is why there is evil in this world. The greatest part of realizing you are sinful, is that there is a way to change. There is a way to make your sinfulness die and become holy, become what we were meant to be. It is then that we should declare that we deserve a right...we deserve a right to be free, because when you acknowledge your faultiness of being sinful and plead for mercy, declare that you desire a pure heart, it is then that you are changed and when you are changed it is not to be locked down by commandments but to be free, to be free not to sin any longer and be the filth that is recognized but to be free to commit acts that are holy in God's eyes and be the very thing that we all desire, the very thing that makes us all defend arms when accused of being at fault, being undeserving, and being the sin that produces evil. I will rest in God, in His word, in the very fact that I am free, I am free to stop having to defend myself against accusations, because once I am made holy, the only thing that I need to do is live in the freedom to not sin and be a light to all, looking forward to the day when there is no more evil, no more pain.