Marriage

I want to talk on the subject of marriage. Because Paul has said it is better not to marry, so many of us don't want to get married, we are fighting the struggle but what if fighting the struggle is evidence of not having the gift Paul so talks about. I have honestly hid and beated myself up for ever wanting to get married, but God is teaching me that marriage is good. It is in healthy marriages and families that a society becomes healthy. It is in family, that I myself am in encouraged when I go to my friends and their family takes care of me for a night. God is teaching me a lot about family this summer, and even though relationships are hard they can also be a blessing. I do see celibacy as a blessing, because you have the gift to be single, the gift of not enduring that struggle, and just focusing on the Lord. Yet, we still live in a world that survives off of family based structures. I have tried to be warrior woman, and pretend I don't want to get married but this summer has been ripping that apart. I am watching this little boy and I call him my cuddle buddy. I don't want to leave him, and as weird as this is, I want children some day. I want to nurture them and watch them grow up, and to feed them encouragement and God's word. This is so strange to me though, because growing up I never thought about my wedding day, I never thought about having children, in fact I ran away from people and being alone seemed most desirable. I have always had a tendency to separate myself from people, but God is giving me strength to love in fact my own family this summer and take a care of this little boy. I was terrified of taking care of this boy, I didn't think I had the right to take care of a life. Yet again, God is teaching me that He wants me to love people and to let them love me. Maybe being alone is not God's will, and at least I know God is teaching me to have relationships...whatever that will look like the rest of my life I am secure in His hands.