my thoughts today seem as meaningless as before, but this is life and we must continue to think

I want to read a story by Mark Twain. I want to watch Darjeeling Unlimited. I have read the thoughts in The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. I remember past experiences of what I have read and seen, and the music that I have heard. I remember sitting in my room about 15 years old, listening to Deja Entendu. I remember this moment a lot, because I would lay there listening for hours. This was my life in teen years. But now where am I?

I sit here on the computer, the computer that has wasted years from my life. But the computer is just a visual of the unseen: lives that consume of thoughts, images, and audio.


I want to go back to San Antonio and walk the rocks by the river. I want to go outside and find no one to intrude my solitude. Yet, in a city like Chicago there are people everywhere. It is funny because as a Christian I should want to be around people. The Church is full of people, my life as a missionary is called to reach people, and what is family if only made of one person.

I know relationships are needed, but sometimes I wish we could
take off
our fiscade and just chill.

Two years ago I sat up after a class in Philosophy, and took a minute to think and slowly pack up my things. Before I knew it the room was vacant and only the teacher and I remained. I told him, "It's funny, everyone is always running from place to place, only to wait at their next destination." We try to make the most of life but end up losing it.