Relationships

I don't know how to make friends. I have always had friends come into my life and whenever I tried to make friends I failed. I remember in high school wanting so badly just to have many friends. I wanted people to like me and to enjoy being around me, don't we all? I remember letting my life be changed merely on how to make more friends. Getting into alcohol and drugs when I was younger was a way to be connected with people. I love being around people, but I did not understand then that there is more to life than friends. Even now sitting here in my room, by myself on a saturday night, I have to remember that there is more to life than friends. I do not have any solid relationships yet. I really wish I did, but I need to be patient with God's timing. All of this also gets me to thinking about dating. My friend Kari once said to me, "Someone told me this once, If you believe that God will bring friends into your life, how much more is He going to want to bring a husband into your life." Sometimes I like to think life would be rid of the problem of loneliness if I were to have a boyfriend, but I still do not know if this is true. I hold onto the hope that I there will be a time where there is someone always there for me besides God, someone that will enjoy being around me, enough to marry me. There is definitely something different from a friendship and a marriage. There is always something lacking in a friendship that I like to hope a marriage would fill: the incomplete loneliness. I do not mean to say that marriage solves all problems, but I do believe it solve the problem of loneliness if marriage is truly pursued in God's will. Right now I have that incompleteness, that I know I can get through with God here to comfort me, but I also hope to someday experience what it means to be married. I think marriage can be an amazing experience to understand that marriage between Christ and His bride, but it is not essential, it is a blessing from God, just like all my friendships have been blessings, and have been guidance to bring me where I am today. So I will thank God as I sit here alone today, for I deserve nothing from Him and all I need is Him.