i want to live the way i was meant to live, I want to be free, I want to live life to its fullest, I want excitement I want to fulfill His will.

I sometimes wonder if I am missing out on something, by not stepping out in faith and trying to exceed. Like today, I wanted soo badly to just pick up and leave to Canada with a friend and these people, they were intriguing to me and I wanted to chill with them. But I have work, I have responsibilities. I feel tied down. I feel like I can't enjoy life to it's fullest because of being tied down. But then again it is not just the responsibilities that tie me down but my choices. I choose not to step out in faith. I choose to lay low, be lazy with life, to take it easy. I want to be adventurous! I am sick of having fear. I want to be real with myself and to stop over-analyzing everything. I have the greatest gift of all to share with people: the knowledge of Jesus Christ and the effect He can have on their lives. What is more exciting than that? Every time I share my faith I feel great, I feel amazed, and it's exciting! But I underestimate the power that Christ has left in me, His holy spirit...I don't realize it is there..I ask to be filled with the holy spirit but then do not connect with it!!! WHAT A WASTE! :( I want to be one that steps out in faith, I want to live life to its fullest, I want to not be full of fear, I want to ignore the stupid feelings and just do what I am passionate about..I need to get out of this box that I have out myself in..I am like Jack in the Box waiting for someone to open me up so I can surprise them! But this kind of box is going to take myself choosing to let myself out, myself choosing to act..to share, to come out of the dark. I want to share beyond measure, beyond opinions, beyond "what if I say it wrong?" beyond the worries!!! IF God is in control, if I step out in faith God will turn anything I do into good! But I still doubt myself, even now I do not want to go to my parents and say "let's go to church together"...I don't want to...how do I get out of this box? Oh God help me.